


You cannot  rewrite  this

by Poppy1196



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drinking, Drugs, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 13:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poppy1196/pseuds/Poppy1196
Summary: A rewrite of the Dear Evan Hansen musical





	1. Anybody Have A Map

All sad families, read dysfunctional, are sad and crappy in their own unique way. Somehow Connor Murphy had always found solace in that idea. But even if he were stoned , which he wasn't, thank you very much Larry, he didn't think he could have pushed past this one meal.

Dinner that night was being way more tense than usual, even Zoe, who could usually fly off the radar , was uncommonly quiet....probably , no it was most certainly his fault. Everything was as of late. By as of late it meant the better part of his life.

"Connor we really need to..."

"Larry not at the table!"

That had been what had ended the argument earlier. As soon as Connor had returned home his family was waiting for him in the living room. He could see why since he hadn't showed his face around for almost three day. They looked dead ready to call call the police .

Things started as a calm discussion but quickly degenerated in a scream match between his father and him that only ended when their mother on the brink of tears announced with a broken voice that they needed to eat.

During dinner he could barely concentrate. His teacher called, his sister had messaged him before arriving. She hadn't needed to add anything else.

The dinner sort of just went on till it didn't. After they all gathered their plates an awkward silence veiled the room . Zoe ran away as quickly as she could leaving him behind. 

"Larry, i know how this looks..."

"Connor this is not a joke. If you keep this up you might not be able to graduate. Something needs to change and i just don't know what to do. I am thinking of sending you in rehab...." His dad showed, even if just for a second his age the stress and concern. Those moments hurt because they dulled be natural hatred for all of this, his family. 

"NO, please , i will graduate and do what ever but please don't do this to me. Please. "

"Ok, but i want to see real changes. "

Connor let out a long sigh. He could do this. Sure, he was failing everything besides AP english. Nonetheless, he will make. He left the kitchen and went upstairs, passing be Zoe's door; he wanted to knock and thank her really. He went on, not looking back. 

As he sat in bed , he let himself be taken by sleep. Tomorrow he would have to face his peers and his teachers. But for now he could still pretend. 

On the other side of town Heidi Hansen looked at the cooling food and empty chair. Her son Evan had never been a problem and perhaps that was the issue. She was mad and angry: wasted time off from her job. She glanced at the clock and back at the table. She needed to leave now for her night classes. 

But perhaps the most interesting was Evan, who was just now able to see the sky. He'd been crying himself out for god knows how long cause it was getting dark now . "God, I can't do anything right '' he screamed infuriated. The ground was cold and lonely, wind howling, but Evan couldn't bring himself to be scared. Just empty and done. And that night there were more than a couple people in need of directions. If only there were a map for social interaction. 


	2. Waving Through a Window

Evan was dead. Or he should have been. But thanks a lucky star his fall was broken and despite falling 30 feet he was alive. Sure, he couldn't really feel his hand and when he did there was nothing but excruciating pain, but the nurse in the ambulance reassured him that while the arm was probably, no certainly, broken, the fact that he could move and feel it meant the damage was possibly minimal. Damn.

Lucky. The doctor, the nurse and when his mother would arrive to pick him up surely she would too; they all said how lucky he was to escape such a close call. The hospital was not a new place, he'd been in and out due to his anxiety when he was younger. But still, now, waiting to be released here after the physical, he breathed in all this new information, The people rushing and going around.

Guilt washed over him looking around seeing how many others were in so much more need of help than him. Despite knowing what an insignificant piece he was he couldn't help but hyperbolise the magnitude of the problems he'd created. Or at least he hoped so. Goddammit. That was again him not doing something right. Heidi would surely not be happy with this. He knew the called her; how could they not when this was practically her (second) family. Heidi Hansen mother extraordinaire with a valedictorian son, working as a nurse and tackling law at night.

"Hey, kiddo, how are you?" Janet , the nurse that had helped him with the radiography, was waiting for an answer and she was a little impatient , no doubt, the exhaustion of a full days work. Somehow she still felt empathetic and sweet.  
"your mama asked me to help you and get you home. She was really worried and you really need a good night's sleep."  
and by the way she said it she did it.

And that is how Evan Hansen, high-school senior and fuck up extraordinaire found himself riding shotgun in a stranger's car.

His house, his home, welcomed him in the shadows.  
"Bye Janet, and thank you. "  
"No problem. Be careful and get better. Next time, do take somebody with you. Evan the big guys don't tackle giants all on their own. "  
"I never really got the whole course on this, so..."  
"Probably should get on that."

And with that they parted. Inside the house there was still light even as late almost twelve o' clock. As soon as he stepped in he was tackled by his mother.  
"Evan, goodness,"  
"Mom,.."  
"I was so worried.I should have known, no answer or text, but i had an exam and..."  
"Mom, it's okay. I just overestimated the sturdiness of a branch."  
"And then..."  
"Fell, passed out, woke up, and called an ambulance. "  
"oh God. "  
"...."  
"We need to talk about this more. Come , it's cold but there is some food left."  
"Thanks"

The talk had no illusion of being pleasant. It hurt really. Some lies. But it would have have hurt more if he wasn't such a cautious person. But he was used to press break even before he started anything and any sort of sparks from his youth had been long lost. He hated being stared at so he easily got of the sun. As expected the crash in the forest had made no sound or impact , his weakness hidden between the branches. He didn't know what he had expected; to be seen, heard?

He had always been on the other side of the window. Another cold night that he would not sleep. And before he knew time flew by like the falling leaves of Autumn. And he now had to go back to school. Awake and ready to go, Evan was welcomed by the sweet smell of pancakes. His mother came into the staircase ; "Come now, you don't want to miss this. " Evan nodded and smiled. Seated at the table he started eating but observed the fidgeting in her mother. "Are you alright?" he asked. "My son is a senior. You will soon be going to College ,and, it's just. "excitement, excitement and sorrow intertwined. "Oh, mom , it cool" since he didn't even know if he would make it. "Do try to make some friends. How about you get some people to sign your cast?" As if anybody... "Maybe..." "Have a good day son. Love you." "Love you too" He said and left before other question could start. The road was long , lonely. His day went even worse when the only thing his cask earned was a few looks. Not even when he asked did anyone sign it. But at the very least Zoe Murphy looked at him twice. That didn't say much. Just enough. to get him going. Little did Evan know that the other Murphy was about to ruin possibly his life. The day ending he was ready and he was ready to to go spend a couple hours studying. And naturally it was then that he messed up. Hazed and out of it he bumped , or rather crashed into what felt like a tall figure . "Sorry, " he said before he recognised the eyes, and well, more so the hair. Long and voluminous framing a face that was similar and different at the same time. All in black, Connor Murphy was standing, or rather was being sprawled on the floor in all his edginess. "Watch out." he said clearly upset. Take a chance Evan! The crash must have messed his with his brain. "Wait!" a deep breath and..."do you want to sign my cast?" "The hell ?!" And just like that Connor turned and left turbulent as he'd entered. Nobody really tells you where you go wrong. These kind of thoughts are what fill his head later while he's writing his therapy assignment, flooding his senses while he writes his letter to himself. "Hey, " a deep voice resounded from behind him. Connor Murphy was waiting there, and now coming towards him in what seemed like a gloomy and awkward walk. "So i was kind of an asshole." What ?"i kinda want to say sorry. If you want i can sign your cast then we can pretend to be not be losers and that we actually have friends..." " um, sure. " Evan didn't really know what to say. God . "Thanks." and as Connor was signing his cast lightning struck. His eyes fell on letter on the table and more importantly on his sister's name . " Fuck , even you like her better. What a loser. She'd never like you. " the words came out like venom , intentionally hurtful, literally pushing the now terrified Evan out of the way. Evan, for better or worse , was kind of out of air. Dazed. This day couldn't go worse. That until he realised his letter was missing.


	3. Interlude I: For 4ever

Oh, dear god. This is bad. No, this was terrible. NO, no, no, no this is the worst and Evan was feeling the panic attack setting in. GREAT. He tried to move, he had to move to catch up to Connor. He started to rush behind him and down the hall. The school was empty. How had he gotten in this situation? Why him ?

He is ready to crumble and fall and die, lightning struck right there on the front steps of the school. It is simply so UNFAIR! He quiets himself when he realises he let those last words come out aloud. Tears come out rushing uncontrollably , snot following closer. And because someone hates him he comes face to face with the one and only Jared Kleinman. He stands there unmoving,  
a frappe in one of his hands and a confused expression an added bonus.

"Hey Evan, man, you okay? I know you are not the best with the whole public and socialising stuff, but the day ended and, are you okay? "  
He did always speak too much. Evan wanted to be honest so bad so he was. 

"No, nothing is fine," he was now possibly screaming , he just wasn't aware of anything anymore." I never wanted much, but..b..but nobody will sign my cast and then only one person did and he was that asshole Connor, fuck him...he stole my letter and I..." great he was blabbering and breaking down now.

Fucking fantastic. He was also probably getting red in the face. To his surprise tho Jared takes by the hand and shoves him in the nearest bathroom. 

"Clean up." and Evan does what he is told. Washes with cold water and now he could breath again. 

"What are you doing ?" Evan asks, the doubt in his voice perhaps too loud. 

"Helping you not be such a hot mess. I don't really know what happened but but you can explain that again. I caught that on the fact  
that is was that scary guy Connor's fault. So we are going to the only person that can truly handle him; his sister Zoe. "

"i CAN'T, I ..." 

but none listens and so they set off. Some time later they find Zoe Murphy in music room, just finishing her club activities. Evan is grateful for Jared because he can barely form a sentence. As a bonus Zoe seems to be overly understanding making excuses for hr brother. 

"No worry, i will kick some sense into him. " she reassures them. Alana, their class president, that for some reason was already there but only made herself present now, also took a role for herself in this mess. Somehow this disaster turned in an Evan Hansen protection squad . 

As it happens Zoe has her own car. Naturally. And they arrive quickly to the Murphy mansion. And yes, it was a mansion. 

"So my parents are probs gone, and i know he is here because Larry, i mean dad, picks him up after the last, uhm, incident and he no longer has car. So just go to his room. It has Connor on the door. "

"OK, come on Evan." jared was already climbing the stairs. 

When they arrived up Jared tried to open the door but it was locked and there was no answer inside. They knocked but nothing. Not even Zoe got a response when she arrived with Alana.

"Hey is it okay if i go to the bath real quick ?"

Zoe looked at him and answered  
"last on the left in the back of the hallway...hey JACKASS"

Even made his way in this new territory. After one missed door he felt sure he'd found it. But he wished he didn't . "OH MY GOD, guys call an ambulance , now " he screamed panic taking over his senses. Connor Murphy was now for the second time in a day on the floor striving to survive.

When the rest arrived they were also terrified but Alana already had her phone out to Evan reacted " hello, 911, there is an over dosing case at the Murphy residence,......" he was no longer aware of what he was saying, only when he moved to collect the pills surrounding the body .

Next thing he knew he was riding to the hospital along Alana and Jared, Zoe following the ambulance closely without fail.   
He knew it was going to be a long night. The Murphys had arrived, worried over their heads. Evan watched as Connor was taken taken in the ER. Sinister thoughts juggled in his mind and in the midst of it all he caught a glimpse of Alana holding Zoe's hands.

His mother had asked him to make some friends. This might have been overkill. No pun intended.


	4. Interlude : For 4ever part II

They were standing now, no less than six people and things were starting to go sort of insane. Cynthia was having, possibly, a seizure while Connor’s father, Larry he thought seemed eerily calm . Zoe had it the worst though, standing on the edge of her chair, in the back, she looked cornered by more than just the walls of the room. Alana was also watching her with a worried and sad expression, Jared behind her but his eyes on Evan instead.  
Trying to get over the awkwardness and general unpleasantness,Evan made his way to Zoe.  
“Hey, how, how are you holding up….?”  
“I, i cannot stop feeling this is not real. I mean, this happens to, i don’t know , real fucked up people, you know...not us...we have issues , sure but we love each other so why, why, and why would he the little shit do this. If anybody deserved a break from all of this than that is me. Of course all he knows is to leave others behind. “  
“Hey, that is not okay. This is not a competition. You don’t know how he feels, or he you. And also, why there is fault shared in all parties, this is not just you. So when he wakes up tell him how idiotic this was. That you care. And tell him...you will try if he tries too, you know.”  
“You don’t get. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t…”  
“What? A second chance ? Don’t we all? If he died now wouldn’t you rather you had done something...anything? Because if didn’t care, you would not be so upset. “  
“Thanks Evan. But really you shouldn’t speak about things you don’t understand. And sometimes we are better off without people no matter the history of how much we care about them. “  
Evsn’s mind halted to screeching sound, dead in the tracks. Zoe rose and passed him on the way to Alana.  
And now Jared was by his side .  
“Nice discourse. Fun times for all the family. “  
“Yeah. “  
“You know, i kind of agree with you. Death is just too final no matter what. Everything literally going stiff.”  
Sometimes you cannot but help be surprised.  
“I haven’t said thank you, for anything ; driving us here, helping me and all else. Now this…” Evan was now lubbering .  
“Man it’s cool. We friends, right””  
“yeah . i just always thought you only saw me as an acquaintance. “ a long pause.  
“Perhaps i made a mistake. It happens to the best of us…” now Jared was wearing his usual grin.  
“Mhmp ... “  
The Murphys stood there like marble statues, as if it was them that was on a death bad.  
“I wanted to thank you for what you did. I heard you called the ambulance and god, i don’t want to think about the alternative. “ larry was now fidgeting.Great. “He is stable now and, well, he asked to see you, if you want of course. “  
Mrs. Murphy , exhausted with hollowed eyes didn’t say a word just shadowed the conversation.  
“Sure. no problem . “  
Why did he say that, of course it was a problem, if the guy felt half as sucky as evan had he was about to get fucked. No other way to put it. As he entered the room he was taken aback by the lack of, well, everything. White all around, not a splash of color, not even in the body laid on the bad. Connor Murphy looked like a washed out print of his former self, no energy, no spark, no general anything,just a sense of giving up that cloaked him  
“hey …”  
“Why ?” the question came as a surprise, whispered like a secret.  
“....”  
“..save me. You cannot possibly think it was worth it.”  
“That you will have to find out. I really don’t know. But you got a second chance. I mean you can always go, but perhaps you can now try something new, different. “  
“...”  
“I have something i need to give you ...well more like return. Your letter, it is in the inside pocket of my jacket .”  
And true to his word, when Evan looked inside there it was.  
“You know, when i said i would like to be friends, i did not lie...i would love that. I kind of always wanted a friend you know. “  
“You really are that much of a loner?”  
“You are really judging ?....ass”  
“Hahaha..sorry. And what do i have to expect out of this? Are you one of those weirdos that make skin suit out of their victims. “  
“Look in the mirror first. And sadly i am a boring person. I usually went on long hikes in the forest but since i fell from a tree and broke my arm , well i am not allowed to anymore, at least not alone but we should go together!” and a second later Evan wished he shut up but Connor actually seemed, excited really ? only he could also see the doubt.  
“Why not. The weather is perfect around june. And could could just get some ice, and have a picnic. I am sure you would love that place; really, everyone does. The sky goes for forever and,it feels so safe around there. There are both shady and open fields….man i could go on for forever.” he kept going. God someone stop the poor man.  
“Really cool…it this how you broke your hand?” Connor was talking again now, and he didn’t miss how uncomfortable Evan seemed in regards to the question.  
“Yeah, just saw a tree and monkeyed around.”  
“Even monkeys fall…”  
“It is beautiful really, from up there. The world feels small and…”  
“Yeah. i’m sure. But i am going to have to disappoint you. Probably going to be stuck here for a while. “  
“oh, really, but they don’t generally keep you in for more than a week if you show stable behaviour.”  
“How do you know?”  
“I have been in and out since childhood. Anxiety, depression, all the good stuff. I used to have real bad panic attacks.”  
“I am sorry.”  
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”  
“Can you stay a little more. I just don’t want to face anyone really.”  
“Zoe was really worried and she should probs seek help. She seems a little in denial. She must blame herself but at the same time…”  
“We don’t have a great relationship. Used to be close but i kind of acted like an ass. Especially when i was high. I don’t know why she would feel anything really towards me… not anymore.”  
“I am sure something can be done. If you want something go get. Relationships depend on people. And i believe you might just get another chance. “  
“So, Evan Hansen, nerd extraordinaire and life saver..”  
“And if things go well Appalachian trail...trailer?”  
“No way?that is actually badass, it will ruin your image.”  
“Probably. “  
“But really, I am a mess. You probably didn’t even know who I was before this, nobody does.”  
“Not my sister she doesn’t.”  
“One small crush and you never live it down. I don’t even feel like that anymore. She just is one of the only not jerk people in school.”  
“That she is. God, it’s late. You should go.”  
“My mother is at night school. But tomorrow morning I am in high school, so yeah.”  
“Bye.”  
“bye .’’ and with that Evan left Connor. But just before stepping out, he said one more thing:  
“Ask for Janet , a nurse and a good friend of my mother. “  
“Oh, ok. See you”


	5. Sincerly, Me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so..i forgot to post the 5th chapter. hope this clears any confusion

Days later, Connor thought that that he could face his parents. Big mistake.  
“Mister and misses Murphy i have talked with your son, Connor, and we agreed he could benefit from therapy. We discussed it deeply and we want to keep him under observation on for the following week to run some tests and, perhaps let him relax.”  
“I agree.” Connor watched in dismay as his mother took his side. And naturally the discussion degenerated in a shouting match, with his father throwing blows at him or his mother.  
“No no no.He will not do such thing and …..”  
“Mister Murphy that is literally illegal. He needs help and we must keep him under observation for some time. Next on the list is the fact that we have already looked over some possibilities, me and Connor and he feels that it would be better if he was not institutionalized.”  
“So that means…”  
“He will go to therapist and try medication. Unless things go wearry this should be fine. But he is very emotionally unstable and prone to outbursts. That could do real harm to him and you.“  
somehow , they came to an understanding. Empty and exhausted after the meeting . So he returned to his room. For some reason his father paid for a single room. He pulled his phone and checked his everything .  
And he did have one, on his Facebook?  
Evan Hansen sent a friend request.  
Connor stared at the display a little.  
Unbelievable.  
He supposed he had to accept. And he kind of wanted to. For some reason the guy turned out not to be such a stuck up ass as he had expected .  
So he messaged:  
Connor: hi  
Evan: oh, hi. Didn’t expect you to actually take me on the offer  
Connor: why? You think i that much of a jerk?  
Evan : no, because i kind of am a loser and you kind of are cool  
What ?  
Had Evan lost it ? probably.  
Connor : no way..i suck  
Evan : well everyone does...at least people leave you alone  
Connor :  
C :  
Connor looked at the clock. When did it turn to twelve . ha, he couldn’t remember the last time he had such a long conversation without it turning sour . it was nice , pleasent.  
And that was not it all.  
The whole hospital stay was pretty great. He did have his stomach pumped and the food was terribly but the quiet allowed him to think clearly for once in a long while.  
And just like that he fell into a comfortable and relaxed program. Therapy, yoga and the whole shebang of activities. But his favorite part were his talk with Evan. Those were real nice. Very very nice. The boy was relaxing and just made Connor unwind. His sister Zoe also visited the most frequently of his family, every day.  
And they had their first talks since forever.  
“I see you are doing alright.”  
“Better. I don’t think i can ever be alright. Not this hot mess…”  
“Connor. “  
“It’s true. “  
“I cannot wait to have you. I just wished we had talked earlier. I just hate that we lost so much time and that we had to find out about all of this . what if, what if Evan hadn’t known what to do ? goodness, when i think how close it was to lose you…”  
“There is nothing you could have”  
“Stop . i know it is not my fault, but also i love you so much. You are my bro, the one that made me snowmen and junk. i just want you back in my life, alright. Things were better than. And yeah, even if it is selfish i still don’t want to give up. Things don’t have to be the same, but it would be nice to be able to count on you. “  
“ i want that too. Evan said that i should probably try to patch this up. I suppose it was easy to see how much i wanted to make this work …”  
“You talk to him now?”  
“Yeah. we kind of get along, loser to loser. By the way, i think he has a crush on you…”  
“Connor , evan is gay. Like real gay . if he had a crush on anybody than that is you my man.”  
“No way. You are joking. How do you know. “  
“Cause i am gay and we are both part of the LGBTQIA+ club. “  
“Oh, i …. “  
“Please don’t tell me i just told you like my biggest secret and you turn out to be a bigot..”  
“Heck no. i am myself bi as fuck but that is not important. I just, this is surprising. Very much so. “  
Zoe smiled with her all known smirk, giving him a look that screamed trouble.  
“Why would he...there is no reason to believe that . not me “  
But it was too late. Ideas turned into his head. About him and Evan.  
He didn’t know how he would make it through their next talk. 

Later that night in bad, and filled with worry he found out.  
E :hey man ready for a chat. Here is something new today  
Evan has sent a jpg.  
Connor opened the file. It was a photo of trees, a forest and it was beautiful.  
C :what? how?  
E :so i went out with jared. ha . i am no longer that much of a loser. And here is something that you will love. Alana and i are preparing a charity concert for mental health awareness. She had the idea of doing something , and your sister suggested a concert with a nice gallery for art.  
C :man, you’ve been busy...  
Why did Connor feel sad and left out? And why was this new information on Evan changing so much in their interaction? God, he had one friend. He could not ruin this.  
C :cool...so i heard you are gay .?  
Why did he do that ?whyyyyy?  
E :yeah. No secret ther>  
C :but..you like my sister. Everyone does but that’s not important>  
E :first thing first. I never said i like her. I liked her, as in past tense, back in middle school when i thought you, i don’t know what thought ^_^  
oh …  
E :if you had let me explain, you would have known that i only mentioned her in my letter cause she was the only positive thing in my day. I just hate first day of school and was hiding in the library when you found me  
C :have i said sorry?  
E :it’s cool

So he had been like the worst knowingly and unknowingly. Good to know. He supposed he should be grateful for one friend. 

C :no, i was just a little confused. I mean zoe kind of plays for the same the same team.  
E :yeah. i sort of knew>  
C :i need to go to sleep.>  
E :oh, cool. I cannot way to see you. Do you want to see each other before you come back to school, or  
C :yeah. i would love it.  
C :see ya  
E : <3


	6. Interlude III: Requim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT STARTS!!!!  
> also, someone kindly told me that chapter 5 was not posted correctly  
> thank you

So school had been, not as much of a mess. Evan looked at the ceiling of his room, unblemished white age given cracks. After taking a spin in his chair he smiled and looked at his messages. His phonebook had grown exponentially, three more people that shone like beacons. Zoe, Jared and Alana and his facebook friend list that showed one recent notification from Connor. 

C : so i am getting out saturday and i was thinking of going out on sunday, if you like want to...no pressure, i know how your anxiety can get. But i kind of am looking forward to it …

This was how it had been as of late. Connor just being more and more ,teenagery for lack of a better word. He didn’t really know how the last week spent in the hospital had been, because despite how homely and welcoming they were, hospitals alienated Evan and made him feel, gone and isolated. 

But Connor was coming back, and Evan thought that he might have to give it a thought. Because he might have a crush. Sure , a superficial and rather moronic one but still.  
It really was not his fault. Nope . it was all on Connor, and his fluffy beautiful hair. He remembered the first time they talked , after he was stabilized . How weak and broken he seemed. And that exhausted grin he stared him down with. 

He looked over the selfies they had exchanged. He hated it but they were better captioned than his. Though that was of no surprise as he had learned that Connor was so much more than anyone gave him credit. Boy could reference anything, but especially literature. 

So yeeah, Evan might think him funny and brilliant underneath the scruffy exterior. That did not mean it was bad, not yet. The real problem the the impending going out. Evan knew the others would also come but still he could barely face it. 

Evan was now playing a daîngerous game of slow burn. But the problem with these kind of flames is the certainty they give and how easily one can underestimate them.  
He would have to hope not to be left without anything, poorer than he’d been before his spirits were raised by all this new development. 

Beside Connor there was now Jared, Alana and least but not last Zoe. The Murphys had recently had had him over as often as he could. And god did he enjoy a real family, something static and dependable. Mr Murphy had grown close to him, more so than the other, to the clear disapproval of Zoe.  
And Zoe, there was a lot to unpack there. He wondered how she would deal with that. He hadn’t expected that Zoe told Connor about her own session of therapy, at Evan’s advice. Poor girl had suffered a lot at the hands of her family and sadly her brother. Evan didn’t know how he felt about the nightmarish stories she had told him about drugged Connor.  
So many broken pieces in this family that had to hopefully be mended. Mrs Murphy was glad to just still have Connor, and you couldn’t fault her for that but perhaps if she merged with her husband they could maybe meet somewhere in the middle.  
Do something right.  
Then there was Jared. Who had turned out to be a better friend than expected. Which was genuinely sweet. They hung out now, him being a little bit of a douche, but still he did drive him to school and , well, listened. It was easier with since they knew each other since childhood. 

Alana was a whole different can of worms.  
She terrified him and always felt like she was watching him too closely. But , really not a bad person in the end. She helped a lot in making sense of Zoe. 

With zoe calling him almost daily and jared’s newfound interest in him, he had never been more busy. His mother was beyond herself with joy with this new development, and a little bit himself too. He no longer ate alone at the table. And now he walked to classes with others. It was great really. 

His second week of school was ending, and thursday seemed to actually turn out pretty well. He went through mister Andrew’s history class well enough with feeling like death in the end. Math went went enough , by god he would get lynched were anybody to hear him. 

Finally lunch came. He never thought he would ever look forward to it. He rushed out the class to the cafeteria. There in the back was everyone, new faces he couldn’t help but feel proud of knowing. He didn’t know how he hd gotten so attached but really he didn’t care. It felt good. 

He sat himself near Jared.  
“Hey man. How was your class?”  
“Good, good. You? “  
“Kind of ass. I hate professor CarASSon . “  
“Don’t you have like A in it. “  
“Yeah . still he sucks tho. ”  
“What are you guys talking about boys?” the clear voice of Zoe came resounding like a ball of pent up aggression and frustration.  
“Somebody had a sucky morning…” if only Jared had a filter.  
“That’s, yeah. Connor is coming home soon and i suppose i am stressed because there are bound to be issues so…”  
“I get it man. Your parents will probs be insane” , right then if stares could have killed Alana would be behind bars.  
But for the rest of the meal tension relaxed and things just diffused.  
They joked (well jared did), ate and discussed.  
And he almost did believe that things would just go normally but when they all got up to leave for class Evan felt a hand catch him.  
“Evan hey, could i talk to you for a second. Just a bit of time. “  
“Yeah, i’m all ears. “  
“Well , so Connor told me that you are going to be there on Saturday, and i don’t know what or why but i kind of want to thank you. you helped save him, and somehow i befriended him. Don”t. Jared bragged about how he helped you with the texts. I think it’s cute. It’s just hard for me , you know…Connor is a okay when sober, but under...he never got physical, still the shit he said and pulled. You are nice and sweet and so anxious. Don’t bend over for him. Or whatever.  
Hope you are ready cause i am not exaggerating when i say it’s gonna be a minefield. “  
“Got it. Sadly i am not sure i am that good at the whole interacting with others?”  
“Want to pick him up with me ? you are like his first friend. It might relax him…”  
“Sure .”  
“Thank you so much. “  
Great , what did he get himself into.

Saturday comes and Evan doesn’t wake up because really, he hadn’t even slept.  
Fuck it all.  
He dresses up as quickly as he can, but somehow his mom catches him.  
“Honey are you seeing your friends?”  
“Yeah. we are picking up Zoe’s brother. “  
“Oh…” his mother knew everything from the hospital.”good luck”  
“ it’s not i who needs it….”  
“Oh i think you do..”  
Just then a horn resonates in the street.  
“That’s my ride. Bye and love you.”  
In the car alana and jared were already in the back seat.  
“Alana wouldn’t leave me do this alone and jared… well…”  
“The more the merrier. “  
“Let’s go.”

In no time they found themselves at the clinic and also and the cleric at the front desk nicely lets them fill in the forms. Evan doesn’t realises but apparently he rushes through the hall.

“Connor “ Zoe shouts before anybody and a dark head of hair turns to the. There is a little bit of happiness on his face. Evan is struck by how handsome he is. He didn’t remember it, or really couldn’t see it due to all the bleeding. Last time Connor was pale and barely alive, but now it had a couple more meat to it and color. His eyes vibrant and deep. The only sad addition was the hair in a ponytail. Connor looked much better with it loose.  
Why WaS hE thinkINg this?  
He was gone. So gone.


End file.
